Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
