My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
