So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
