just tell him i said nine months
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
