You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
