roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
