Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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