Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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