Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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