Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize