perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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