i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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