"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize