Got a toothbrush?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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