Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
