I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
