i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
