dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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