i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
