Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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