Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize