I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
