Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
