Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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