In the future we'll all be gay
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
