yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
