I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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