Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
