She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
this is an emotional support booty call
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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