I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
