i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
