Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
