god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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