I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
