I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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