no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she looked like the before picture.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
