I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
