ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
