Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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