The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
