You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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