remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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