you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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