Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
