She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
