Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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