I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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