You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
