Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
