i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
