Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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