Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
