I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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