There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
