Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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