there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
