she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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