Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
