Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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