FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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