Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
