just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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