never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
