wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
