Pappa wants mamma naked
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
