He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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