You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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