Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
