does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
