I got chris browned last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
