hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
